Star Gazing Humor by Mark Twain

Star Gazing Humor by Mark Twain is adapted from his book ‘Following the Equator’:

We are moving steadily southward-getting further and further down under the projecting paunch of the globe.

Yesterday evening we saw the Big Dipper and the north star sink below the horizon and disappear from our world. No, not "we," but they. They saw it--somebody saw it--and told me about it.

But it is no matter, I was not caring for those things, I am tired of them, any way. I think they are well enough, but one doesn't want them always hanging around.

My interest was all in the Southern Cross.

I had never seen that. I had heard about it all my life, and it was but natural that I should be burning to see it. No other constellation makes so much talk.

I had nothing against the Big Dipper--and naturally couldn't have anything against it, since it is a citizen of our own sky, and the property of the United States--but I did want it to move out of the way and give this foreigner a chance.

Judging by the size of the talk which the Southern Cross had made, I supposed it wouldneed a sky all to itself.

But that was a mistake. We saw the Cross to-night, and it is not large. Not large, and not strikingly bright. But it was low down toward the horizon, and it may improve when it gets up higher in the sky.

It is ingeniously named, for it looks just as a cross would look if it looked like something else. But that description does not describe; it is too vague, too general, too indefinite. It does after a fashion suggest a cross across that is out of repair--or out of drawing; not correctly shaped. It is long, with a short cross-bar, and the cross-bar is canted out of the straight line.

It consists of four large stars and one little one. The little one is out of line and further damages the shape. It should have been placed at the intersection of the stem and the cross-bar. If you do not draw an imaginary line from star to star it does not suggest a cross—nor anything in particular.

One must ignore the little star, and leave it out of the combination—it confuses everything.

If you leave it out, then you can make out of the four stars a sort of cross--out of true; or a sort of kite--out of true; or a sort of coffin-out of true.

Constellations have always been troublesome things to name.

If you give one of them a fanciful name, it will always refuse to live up to it; it will always persist in not resembling the thing it has been named for.

Ultimately, to satisfy the public, the fanciful name has to be discarded for a common-sense one, a manifestly descriptive one.

The Great Bear remained the Great Bear--and unrecognizable as such--for thousands of years; and people complained about it all the time, and quite properly;

but as soon as it became the property of the United States, Congress changed it to the Big Dipper, and now every body is satisfied, and there is no more talk about riots.

I would not change the Southern Cross to the Southern Coffin, I would change it to the Southern Kite; for up there in the general emptiness is the proper home of a kite, but not for coffins and crosses and dippers.

In a little while, now--I cannot tell exactly how long it will be--the globe will belong to theEnglish-speaking race; and of course the skies also.

Then the constellations will be re-organized, and polished up, and re-named--themost of them "Victoria," I reckon; several towns and things, here and there, have been named for Her Majesty already.

But this one will sail thereafter as the Southern Kite, or go out of business


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